Still.

So I go into these quiet modes sometimes as a comedian, and I feel I’ve only shared why with some of you. I’m hoping in accomplishing two things with this blog post: two entertain you, as well as relate to you on a different level.

Comedians are often accused of always being on. I definitely know I have, and in many cases in my youth it cost me some friendships, relationships, you name it. Truth is, not everything is funny to me.

This isn’t some post intended to be a dart thrown at what is or isn’t in good taste comedically, so un-ruffle those feathers. Rather some insight into the other side of what it’s like to be a comedian.

As comedians, we spend a lot of our time looking at all of the things in the world or our lives trying to see the funny in all if it, particularly when it is otherwise painful or horrible, or something that’s being taken too serious, or something uncomfortable. You get it. But the other side of that equation is that we end up spending more time looking at the world or ourselves or the lives we lead than most people, and it isn’t all funny.

When you look at something you are trying to understand long enough, whether you get it or not, you eventually become exhausted by the effort. You’re looking at your friends or family, or current events, or funny day to day situations and trying to see the funny. I usually can.

I also see everything else. I see the sadness in people. I see their complete lack of consideration for other people in the world. I see their relentless pursuit for something better completely allowing them to overlook what they already have. I see them angry at the hand life has dealt them, no matter how it compares at ours.

I see the people I care about watching their dreams pass them by. I see them settling for things in life because they too are exhausted with looking at it, with looking in the mirror. I see them losing hope. I see them refusing to stand up and change things for themselves.

I see myself. I see a 29 year old guy who has done a lot, yet often feels like he’s done nothing. Someone who can be the center of attention in a roomful of people and still feel like nobody gets him. I see somebody I’m equally proud to be and am sick of looking at. I see the things I hate in the world in myself sometimes.

I see you. A reader than can relate to some of this, or maybe none of it. Who identifies with me, or who crucifies me depending on your view and your perspective. We constantly judge those around us for what they feel, and whether or not they should feel it, whether or not it’s valid or compatible to us and our struggles.

I think I need to learn how to shut up and just feel things, and appreciate that human quality in us that allows it enough to do it when it sucks. I think I could be much better at listening to my own words and applying them to myself.

I think a lot of things. You guys usually get to hear or read funny ones, but there are some tough ones too that we don’t always share.

I want to be a better person. A better human being. I want to care more about other people. I’m going to work at it. I want to get to know the parts of you that most people don’t take the time to.

I, like most people, am an instant gratification guy. In most of my dealings with people, I take what I like about them, and leave the rest.

I’ve been feeling that way about a lot of the people in my life these last couple of years. That they take only what they want from me and discard the rest, and the thing I’m most disappointed in is that I’m guilty of it too.

I think learning to do that is truly the only way to find peace within ourselves, and appreciate the good in people enough to overlook the bad.

Maybe then it will all be funny.

Posted on November 2, 2012 .