Hey Ya'll, It's a Blog!

It's been forever since I've taken the time to write a blog. I've been super busy lately, so i wanted to take a minute to touch base with you guys and say hi, and bring you all up to speed!

It's been a crazy month. I've been working on something for quite some time now, and after 18 months of stress and craziness, It's done, and has finally paid off. It was nice to get some financial relief for the last month. I was able to take some time off, do some improvements around the apartment, and make some further investments into my business and career in comedy. This is the least stressed I've been in almost the past couple of years. In this chosen career path, the pay days are few and far between, so when one finally comes around, it's quite a nice breath of fresh air before quickly realizing how broke you are about to be again. 

I'm without representation once again in my career, and to be honest, it's been a liberating experience. I've separated from managers in the past, and had them drop me before, but this was the first one that was really professional and amicable. Those guys at 23 are killing it right now, primarily with some great young actors/actresses doing some huge things. Carl & I had a good conversation about the direction in my career, what I should be focused on, and they were just as good to me in the end as they were in the beginning. Summing it up, they felt that they weren't the best for me and my future, and that I should be free to go find a management/agency that is. Can't find fault with that. I wish them and their clients the best, and am excited to see the cool stuff they're working on in the future! 

I've really made some great friends in the past few months. Particularly Noah Dorsey, who is greatly responsible for the newfound vigor I have for podcasting again. Any of you that have followed in my career know that it used to be a big part of my life, and that my experience in podcasting ended a really good friendship of mine, and showed me just how volatile groupthink can be.

I won't go into a lot of details about it, because it doesn't deserve it, but I will say this: Out of the whole thing, I learned this: You have to be good at identifying conditional love in life. Sometimes we surround ourselves with friends that aren't really our friends. Sometimes we think we have fans that aren't really our fans. At the end of the day, you really have to be smart enough to sit still and take stock once in a while, and judge those in your life based on their behaviors. If people turn on you the minute you stop serving their needs, they probably weren't really your friend in the first place. If "fans" of you or what you do, turn on you every time the wind blows, then don't build your business or career around those people. Noah has been a great new friend, and has refreshed my perspective of "why not?" when it comes to doing things: shorts, podcasts, etc. He encouraged me to come up with "March of the Pigs," and has been a great partner so far in putting out something that I think is cool, and that I'm proud of. Yes it's raw, and we're still learning how to do this podcast thing, but we're doing it together, and we're having fun. In the end that's all that matters.

I recently had a 4 hour late night conversation with my buddy Chris, after we had hung out for lunch earlier that day. Chris and I have been friends for a couple of years now, but due primarily to his busy schedule, we haven't really gotten to hang out or work on shit together for a while. He's been back in town a lot lately, so we've been able to catch up and hang out quite a bit. This was the first time Chris really got to hang out with me and Neda, so it was a bit of a different dynamic. Historically, how people act around my girlfriend and I, or what they see in that spot says a lot about them as a person, and unfortunately I've missed that sometimes. Chris got along greatly with her, and we all had a blast hanging out. When he and I spoke later that night, he said something to me that I've never really been able to put into words about our relationship. He said: "You know what is great about your relationship that I see already? That you don't ever have to apologize for who you are. You both can totally be yourselves, and you both love and accept that...hell even appreciate it in the other person." To which I replied, "well yeah, why would I be with anyone that doesn't let me be myself?!" Now that seems like common sense, but the truth is, we seldom run that check on the people in our lives. Him making that comment made me appreciate Neda more, and also turn a more scrupulous look at those that I consider close friends in my life.

When people say "I can count my true friends on one hand," that's generally what they're referring to, but I've never had it summed up so simply. Ryan Lee, Sean & Matt Graff, Rich Dinofia, Jim Horne, Gary Pahl, Chris Raab, Rob Rohlin, Neda (ok, so maybe two hands); we've all been friends at different points, for different amounts of time and had different relationships, but they all share that common thread. They've all accepted me for "better or worse" along the way, and that's why I consider them great friends. We argue, we fight, we disagree, but none of them have ever looked at me with that disappointment face where I feel like I let them down just by being me. 

Why am I sharing all this? I dunno, maybe you're at a point where I have been many times in my life, and you're looking around you and taking stock of your life, and you feel unfulfilled, or like you're missing something, and maybe my words can help. Maybe not. At the very least, I hope they read this stuff, and at least know how much I love and appreciate all of them. 

I've always been someone that has had a strong desire to please people. Some people have viewed this in my life as me "trying too hard," or "trying to impress," or "trying to make myself look bigger or better than I am," but the truth is, I've always just wanted to please those around me. It's why I do comedy after all. Sometimes that can lead to unhealthy behavior. I think it makes you a good person to want to please others, but you can't please everyone, and you can kill everything you love in the pursuit of trying to please people that don't really deserve it or value it. You definitely have to be smart about who you're aiming to please and why. Pleasing everyone at the expense of your own happiness is maybe one of the most unhealthy things you can do in your life.

It's also critical to keep this in mind when you're making art, or creating something, or even running your own business. Not everyone is going to love what you do, and that's ok. You have to love what you do. I finally feel like I'm getting back to that place, and it's been a pretty great feeling. 

It's a new year. For the first time in a while, I feel like I have the freedom to make/do what I want, and the support from enough of you to feel good about making it. I'm hoping to churn out a new hour of comedy for you guys this year (hint* - it won't be another audio album). I'm excited to keep the "Darkest Hour" going strong here in LA, and perhaps taking the concept further out with a podcast. Raab and I are going to work get to work on some film projects. Maybe shorts, maybe more. We'll have to see! 

Thanks so much for following along with all of my stuff. I'm just a dude out here trying to do what he loves with his life, and I wouldn't be able to do that without you guys, so THANK YOU!

Posted on July 2, 2015 .